Thoughts race through my head like the chatter of a crowded subway train, or a popular east village bar on a Friday night; only instead of strangers’ conversations, it’s my own vague anxieties and regrets. Scrolling on apps quiets all the voices. Each post that I read while scrolling is a singular, focused, individual thought.

These days I don’t have the patience to read books. I can barely watch movies or TV. Watching YouTube videos feels productive in comparison to scrolling memes.

Today, I tried putting down the phone and resisting the urge. It feels scary to listen to my thoughts and feel these feelings, but then I remember how I used to be afraid of roller coasters, until I was able to accept that they are safe on a deep level.

I resist the urge to scroll on my phone, then I feel scared, then I remind myself that it is safe to feel these thoughts.